(One of John Fistere's favorites:-)

Swami Beyondananda's Guidelines for Enlightenment

• Be a Fundamentalist - make sure the Fun always comes before the Mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled. A laugh track has been provided, and the reason why we are put in the material world is to get more material.
  
  
• Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensure regularhilarity. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift, just for entering so you are already a winner!
  
  
• The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can simply change the channel.
  
  
• Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop. And, no matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God loves you. He's already made a commitment.
  
  
• It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And when you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's Absurdiveness Training class: "Don't get even, get odd."
  
  
• If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there'll surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
  
  
• I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.
  
  
• There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it again.
  
  
• If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is there is no key to the Universe. The good news is it has been left unlocked.
  
  
• Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So we don't have to go through channels.